I couldn't sum this day up any better

I think one of my favorite Canadian singers said it best:

Snow Falls This November
by Julie Doiron

when the snow falls this November
its such a great place to be
and when the snow falls this November
I see you and me
open the dark curtain
the sky is just getting light
we stay right where we are
all the way till tonight

through the window
we watch the snow
kids walking in snowpants
we don't go nowhere
not today, not tonight

won't tie up my hair
won't get dressed too
I'll just stay here next to you
we don't go nowhere
let the baby sleep
let the dogs rest too

through the window
we watch the show
kids walking in snowpants
we don't go nowhere
not today not tonight
watch the snow all night falls and stay here till November is through
watch the snow all night falls and stay here till November is through
watch the snow all night falls and stay here till November is through
watch the snow all night falls and stay here till November is through



It's not even winter yet and we already have snow. This is the kind of day I dreamed about all summer. It's like a little bit of Canada right here in Philly.
Sigh.
I wish I was at home knitting.

Oh...so that's what you mean...

I've never really understood the whole seasonal depression thing. Since I had depression all of the time I didn't understand how a season, or change in daylight, or change in weather, could really affect anything.

I didn't understand....until now. I've just been kind of miserable all week for a reason I can't figure out. So I'm blaming the weather, and the change in season, and the darkness that seems to loom over every hour of the day. I hope the entire winter is not like this. Its just...well...depressing!

I've also come to realize that I am incapable of putting buttons on a garment correctly. Sure, I can physically sew it on without a problem, but trying to get everything to line up is just impossible. I don't have a table, I don't want to bend over and lay everything out on the floor, and even if I had the most ideal set up I still don't think it would work.
I normally put on my buttons, wear it out once, nearly cry in hatred of the terrible job I did lining up everything, immediately cut every button off once I get home, then stitch everything back on. Sometimes this replays about three to four times, sometimes I'm lucky and everything falls into place the second time.

How can I do intricate lace and other intimidating things but I can't manage to get a button on properly? Do I subconsciously hate buttons?

I spent the last two hours placing all 9 buttons. I will wear my sweater tomorrow, hopefully not look like a complete idiot, and do the whole process again tomorrow night.
I can seam all day...but buttons....I really hate buttons.

See..I'm grouchy. I'm dealing with a low simmering cold virus, a very empty wallet that will remain that way until January, and a workplace without heat. And now....Warcrack is down for maintenance.

Sigh. Maybe sleeping is the best option at this point in time....before the sweater drives me insane.

For the love of all things holy!

My internet has been down at home for the past few days.
I had no idea how important to my life my computer was until it went down.

What am I supposed to do? Communicate over the phone? Or read a book? Or actually watch a news program??
I feel like I'm living in the dark ages.

I used my feminine wiles to get a cable guy to come visit our home tomorrow evening. It will hopefully be a signal issue that is easily fixed in our building....or i just may cry.

It's Hallow's End in World of Warcraft and I'm missing it!!!! Grumble grumble grumble.

I hate you world.

(I'll have a Rhinebeck update once my internet access decides to play nice.)

I'm Ms. Aponia if you're nasty!

Should I feel special that I have the same medical issue that Janet Jackson has?
Vestibular Migraine

I have never canceled a tour do to it though....but i have never toured so, maybe I have!

Migraines suck....add in vertigo and life is miserable. I get them at least a few times a month, and in situations of high stress I get bunches of them weekly.

.....you learn something every day....

Sick days are not so fun as an adult

After proudly not calling out one day this year due to illness....I went home sick.

I worked three hours, got what I needed done, then walked my long 40 minute trek home, which feels miles longer when breathing out of your nose is not an option.
I stopped, picked up some chilly from a local coffee house and cold medicines from CVS, and went up to my apartment.
My cats where happy to see me but kind of puzzled as to why I was here.

I took an hour nap and now need to drink hot tea and work on a baby sweater I need done by this weekend.

I just wish I had the sense to play hooky when I didn't feel terrible. A mental health day would be nice once and awhile.

Oh well..I'm off to sneeze and blow my nose for the one millionth time today.

Please remember...hand sanitizer is your friend everyone!

This is my life in a nutshell

marriedtothesea.com

Autumn

This time of year is very strange for me. It's my favorite season, my favorite time of year. There is so much I love about the fall. The leaves changing and colder weather. The smell of spices and the taste of apples. The perfect twilight this time of year seems to produce and the clean crisp mornings. Halloween and all that it encompasses.

But, there is this underlying sadness through this whole season. We almost lost my mom in September, and we eventually did in October. So fall seems to rouse this longing in me, I long for my family and my mom and this personal history i had that no longer exists. To this day I can't think about her without my heart breaking. I still can't really talk about her or think about those months leading up to her death.

This time of year makes me happy and sad all together. I feel quiet, and a little bit lonely, and more introverted then usual. And it's really hard to explain this to people....it's almost like it's unexplainable, and until you go through it's not very understandable. It's kind of like a rite of passage. This burden that doesn't fall upon you until the worst happens, and it's not a terrible thing, it's just something that comes along with you for the rest of your life.
And fall is my reminder. Fall is when the burden gets a bit heavier and everything seems a bit darker.

I miss her. Just like I miss this season when it is over.
And they both exist, well, existed, far to briefly.

I've found the way

I'm a firm believer that you have to go through some major shit to become a better person.
I watched my mom spend years of her life in a miserable situation, in enormous amounts of physical pain daily. But she was could connect with people in an almost magical way. She would become fast friends with everyone she would meet. It was amazing, and I think everything she went through had something to do with that.

I'd like to think I'm not quite at rock bottom, but I definitely know I'm near it. The past few years have been hard, emotionally, physically, financially. But I've had a sort of hopeful epiphany in the past few weeks. I think it is directly related to all that I have been through. I'm at a point where I'm broke, I love my husband but i wish I could do more to financially to help him, I'm working below what I am qualified to do, it just seems to go on and on.

So...my epiphany: I would like to go back to college for History with a focus on Early American History in Fall 2009. I've put it off for too long. And if possible, i would like to continue my education through a master's degree.

Sometimes it takes frustration and anger and tears to realize your life is not going in the correct direction it needs to be and the path needs to be changed.

Now...how I plan on getting to my decision..i have no idea.
I look at it like this...trying to flesh out a goal and a plan of action is far more enjoyable then staying put in a toxic situation.

I'm nervous, yet excited.

Wish me luck!

Every year, every fall

I always forgot how delicious the Pumpkin Spice Frap is at Strarbucks. Anyway...on to the mushy stuff. As of yesterday, September 11th, Aaron and I have been partners in crime for eight years. This is an awfully long time. Nearly a decade. So much has happened I can barely wrap my brain around it. We met when we were 23, we're now turning 32. I love him, with all of my heart, my mind, my soul, and my person. He's my favorite person and my best friend. I can't imagine a day without him. I love you AA! What if I told you I could lose you? If I waited, Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow May be too late Birds fly above you Love is around you I would like to be too Forever, forever and ever With you I would follow you Anywhere you are going to Tomorrow, forever, always And if you were to Sail across the ocean blue I would like to sail with you I'd follow, I'd follow, I'd follow You home I would follow you Anywhere you are going to Tomorrow, forever, always I would follow you Oh, anywhere you are going to Tomorrow, forever, Tomorrow, forever, Tomorrow, forever, always - Rosie Thomas

Look at my pictureless blog

I am married to a photographer. Someone who takes many many pictures.
One day folks...one day. When it's not so hot that I sweat at my computer because my tower is producing too much heat.

Its September and all the trees in my neighborhood are dead and dry and it was over 90 degrees today.
What the hell??!!

I continue to march on through my sweaters. My grand plan is to have at least two sweaters done by October. Sure...this doesn't really sound like a crazy idea, but all the sweaters I make are normally done on a needle size smaller then a US 7. The two I would like to finish are on a 6 and 5 respectively. And...and...its hot. Much hotter then expected.
I'm trying to stay on course. And finish a shawl sample that is WAY overdue as well.
I will complete all my tasks if it kills me!

Eek!

Besides that I've been riding my bike...remembering how sore my ass can be from riding a bike...trying to pretend that I don't look like a total moron in my bike helmet...hoping that I will one day find the shoes of my dreams....and being endless entertained by my husband and cats.

That's it. My new goal is to also post more regularly. So maybe someone other then my husband will read this occasionally.

Whatever.

nataliedee.com

Work is kind of meaningless if you still can't pay your bills at the end of the day...

No truer words have ever been said...

"Remember; no matter where you go, there you are"

- Buckaroo Bonzai


Best. movie. ever.

I want sleep.

I really wish I had something awesome to say here.
Blogs are supposed to be about innermost thoughts and vacations and things people have made, right?

All I can think of right now is:
"shit shit shit...fuck....oh my god...seriously?...fuck fuck...shit...yawn"

...on the heaviest of rotations.

I'm so stressed out that when I get home I want to knit mindlessly and stare off into space. I can barely handle talking to other human beings right now...let alone typing to them.

....oh...and my cats are doing some nasty things in their litter box...

...I know...i'm totally and completely lucky.

I want summer to be over....now.

I'm not dead...I'm just really tired

I hate the summer.
I hate moving.

Combining the two makes me completely miserable. We're moved into our new place in South Philly, but we live among piles and piles of boxes. I can't find my ball winder, eye shadow, Q tips, books, notpads, pens, or anything else I may need on a regular basis.

I'm trying to keep calm, but between the rising stress from not finding anything and ridiculous heat its hard not to just cry hysterically on a regular basis.

On happier notes my cats went through their first check up A-ok! Besides a small case of ear mites they are happy and healthy and don't hate me for holding them down while getting their ears probed. If it wasn't so irritatingly hot I'd hug them.

Did I mention I'm typing this while sitting on the floor? Yeah...it's that bad.

But at least I'm moved. That shithole we occupied for 8 months is a distant memory.
And we have the swellest bar a block and a half from our apartment. I can see it from my living room.

And everyone knows a good bar is where your heart is...

I won't be a stranger...well...until the heat in this little room is unbearable...
....and a chair and desk would be swell...

This morning I woke up and watched the history of hip hop with AA for 3 hours.
Then we went to Petco and got what we like to call a cat starter kit.

By tomorrow we'll have two cats that we will be living here with, and moving to the new place with.

Yes...we're finally becoming pet owners!

More to come soon...

Stan Winston and Tim Russert.....I can't believe they both died over the weekend.
I always liked Tim Russert on NBC. He was well spoken and seemed so up beat and friendly. Not the normal face you see in political coverage.

And Stan Winston....I mean....that man was my childhood. He brought some of my favorite movies to life. He was one of the reasons I wanted to do special effects many moons ago.

They both seemed to die before their time.

Its just so sad.

Babies babies everywhere.

Seriously...EVERYWHERE! Everyone seems to have one or two or five.

And I think I'm finally....gasp...wanting one of my own.
So before everyone starts sending me frantic emails...no...I'm not pregnant...and no...I don't plan on being in my immediate future. But I really want one. Two actually...but i'll start with one.
I work with many people who have babies...or little people...and they are just awesome creatures to behold. I mean...its a brand new person experiencing everything we adults find boring and normal for the very first time...and everything is amazing! There's no jadedness, no paranoia or worry, just miles and miles of wonder ahead. And its just the coolest thing.

Today seemed to be the first moment that I felt the "oh my god I want one" feeling. I mean, I always did, but I'm sitting there, watching a repeat of the Gilmore girls, saw a baby, and suddenly felt this crazy longing I never had before. I wanted to smell a babies head, and hold it in my arms, and kiss it's nose. It was this unbelievable urge and suddenly I felt like I must have a baby....no matter how much it changes my life....I must have one.

Like I said...not tomorrow...we would like to figure out where to live and how to feed ourselves on our meager paychecks before throwing another mouth into the mix....but hopefully soon.

I have nothing new to report. I just felt weird having everything so empty in here.
When i'm not at work, which is going awesome for a change (and I swear to god I'm not being sarcastic), I'm looking for somewhere to live. When I'm not looking I'm stressing out and worrying about finding somewhere to live.
When I'm not doing that I'm most likely asleep. Or drinking, which is sort of the same, but completely not.

Who knew constant worry could make you so tired.

I need to leave the city for a day. And get a dog and cat. And buy a bike. And play something other then Oblivion for the 3rd time.

I have no idea what I'm really talking about....I hope I find a house soon.

Damn you food!

Seriously...my falafel sandwich was so good...and the fries with mayo garlic dip were dreamy, but man, my stomach is in knots. Giant knots of pain and torture.

And this on top of the pain I was already feeling in my nether regions.

Argh. Ugh. Ick.

I have a top secrept knitting project I'm avoiding starting. I'm fine once my projects are started, I just hate the first few stitches. They drive me insane. I'm unlike every other knitter around...I like the monatiny of working on the body of a sweater, I hate starting it or working on the sleeves or seaming it...I like all the boring in the middle. I wonder what that says about me. I like tedious tasks that let me get completely wrapped up in my thoughts? I really enjoy watching stupid tv shows while actually getting things accomplished?

I'm going to try my hand at writing patterns soon. Its not really that difficult, the math doesn't scare me at all, and its gotten so easy to sell them yourself. PDF's have made life easier.

I was also contemplating writing again too. I'd like to think I could go back to poetry and be as skilled and talented as I used to be, but I don't know. Even essay writing makes me nervous. Whenever I think about writing I picture it as a big pool, and I'm standing next to the deep end and I don't want to jump in. Cause, you know, I could die, or make an ass out of myself, or come to the realization that I suck at everything I used to be good at. (i was never good at swimming, but I digress)

I'm a total whimp. I think that's the moral of my story.

I really should blog when I'm something other then exhausted.

Work is crazy, and when I'm not working I'm looking for somewhere to live. We're sick of the commute and being so far away from everything and everyone. I'm not technically in the suburbs but I may as well be. Its horrible, HORRIBLE! How do normal people do it?

Sheep and Wool. For being as photograph crazy as I am I took maybe three shots the whole day, and they all included sheep and their adorable tocks. A huge heart felt hug and thank you to my two traveling companions: the lovely Laura and wonderful Carol. It was a fun day full of swearing, boob talk and sheep ogling.
My haul this year was light, for me anyway. Five small skeins of lace weight and two cones of Shetland...that's it. I had fun, but just wasn't really into buying this year. Its weird...all the yarn becomes a big blur after awhile, and my interest in it wanes as the day progresses. Although, I am proud to say this is the first year I've had zero buyers remorse. I'm getting so sensible in my old age!

Pictures...soon.
Details about Sheep and Wool and the wonderful women behind Knit So Fine (go buy it now)....soon.
A post detailing something other then how tired I am........hopefully?

Later gators!