Quick non-negative points of interest

Because my whole life can't be gloom and doom, right?

- I'm now a brunette. Sure..not a big difference, unless you haven't been one for over a decade. I'm pretty happy. And its amazing how nice a persons skin looks when being paired with a hair color that is in the same color family as the one they were born with!

- I have an undying love for locally made pickles. I want to eat them with every meal.

- I kind of get a weird kick when I get unapproving looks from tourists walking through the area.

- There's something great about taking a shower after sweating all day at work.

- Bedhead hair products. Sure, I left you once, but I will never leave you again. Especially since Bumble and Bumble seems to be overpriced crap!

- Ted Leo is a hot, hot man. His music puts me in a good mood, no matter how foul I felt previously!

- Sleeping late every single day of this upcoming three day weekend.

- Free bags from work. I got not just one...but two sporty little numbers. Being the bag whore that I am this is the highlight of my freakin year!

- I love my favorite bar in the summer because it gets kind of dead. Not great for the owners, but being able to have conversations with the people around me, and getting to hang out with our friend who just also happens to be the bartender is awesome! Plus, we've met so many other really nice regulars there, I always look forward to going.

- My early summer jams....as in...music that sounds like summer 2007:
* Cold War Kids - Hang me out to dry
* Silversun Pickups - Lazy Eye
* Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - CIA, The Lost Brigade

I'm sure I'll regret this after I get a horrible sunburn and heat exhaustion but i'm actually looking forward to time outside in the sun. I have sunblock ready and sneakers worn in. Flip flops are sitting patiently by the door. I am ready for summer to start already!!

....and yes..I will be eating those words in about a week!

I really need to take pictures ones of these days..

...but I need a camera first. A lofty item that just isn't in my budget right now. Every penny in my paycheck goes to bills. And the little bit left goes to groceries. I'm living tighter then tight. I feel like I'm being strangled by my debt. And my job, although satisfactory, is not cutting it pay wise.

So I'm once again on the hunt. Well, I'm always on the hunt...it never seems to end. I've never been so happy with a position that I stopped looking. And this doesn't feel right. What happened to the idea of careers or long-term positions? Everyone in my age bracket seems to jump from position to position, unhappy everywhere. What's the point of working hard if I'm going to move on within a year or two? What's the point of making friends or working overtime? I try not to think about this too much, it just seems kind of depressing and hopeless.

I'm not as obsessive about looking for work as I have been in the past because AA and I are finally in serious move mode. Its not going to happen tomorrow, but hopefully it will be sooner then later. We're just both sick of putting our lives on hold, hoping that something will change. Philadelphia and I just don't see eye to eye. Sure, I'm happy I lived here and for the friends and experiences it has offered me, but I just don't want to stay here any longer. My future is out west. Plus, I don't want to live in one city my whole adult life. I'd like to live a few places, really see what the world has to offer. And if I end up in the east, at least I know I ended up there by my own choosing.

Its funny that all this flux has made me desire the most mundane knitting. All I've been thinking about is garter stitch. I've been working on lace so much lately that I desire to go in the complete opposite direction. I want simple garter stitch...in Koigu since it seems to look the best in garter. I'm thinking of doing the Spanish Dancer shawl from Knitty, but the thought of casting on 410 stitches makes me queasy! But gosh....that pattern is what I need right now. And the hand painted Koigu-esque yarn I got at Sheep and Wool would be perfect! I guess my two sweaters will have to staisfy me right now, until I have the proper time and emotional strength to tackle that insane cast on. I would like to start a few new sweaters. Maybe actually have one done by fall!!!

Which reminds me...as soon as I have a full piggie bank I may splurge on some lovely yarn from Webs and a cardigan pattern. I've been dreaming about it for 6 months now. Since it is using one of their house yarns the price tag is amazingly modest for the quality. How could I say no to a sweater for under $100!!! But this is still a daydream. My wallet is groaning at the thought of it.

And I won't even go into my desire for day trips in such lovely weather...and how it seems like a a total impossibility.

Why does the world have to revolve around money?

I've always wanted to live in Stars Hollow...

Good bye Gilmore Girls.

I miss you already.

Mother's Day

First off, happy Mother's day to all women who already have children, who are with child, or who would like children someday!

Its a bittersweet holiday for me. I'm constantly bombarded by images of mother's and flowers and smiling families. Its almost overwhelming at times. I know my mom knew i loved her, and I had 29 Mother's Day to tell her this. It just doesn't seem like it was anywhere near enough.

So this Mother's Day, in honor of my mom and her undying love of everything and anything blue, everything I work on this weekend will be blue. Her eyes were the most beautiful blue, like a perfectly clear sky. And that's the color I want to see this weekend.

Blue has become my comfort color....its like a cool blanket. Every time I see it I think of her. And it seems to be the color I've been reaching for most when I'm looking for yarn. I can't get enough of it. I don't think a bad shade of blue exists! And I'm more then a little thankful that it goes with my coloring so well.

My surrogate mom...my mother-in-law....who I like to call Mom Neuman...will be visited. AA's family has definitely taken me in as one of their own, and I do feel like their daughter. I want to make his mom a beautifully intricate shawl, so I didn't want to do a quickie to be done in time for the holiday. So once I find the perfect color for her, and I'm sure i will know it when I see it, I will make her something grand.

And then there's me and the dreams I've been having about children. Well, pregnancy to be exact. I've had a few where i was very pregnant, and we lived in a big old house on a hill, and I seem to be happy all the time. I'm hoping this is a premonition of a joyful pregnancy to come.....eventually....not tomorrow. We can barely feed ourselves, let alone little ones. But children will definitely be in my future. I just don't understand an existence without them. What is the point of life then?

Here's hoping that my Mother's Day is not sad, but optimistic towards my future, and satisfying knowing that my mom, no matter where she is, knows that I love her and am happy that I'm her daughter.

Oh yarn...how could I have doubted you..

All I need is a Sheep and Wool Festival and friends to pal around with in the sunshine....suddenly yarn is fun again!

I think my recent ennui concerning yarn has finally passed. I did not spend gluttoneously this year, like I have in the past, but everything I came home with has made me unbelievably happy, and I can actually see using every last yard of yarn. When my budget is microscopic it makes everything I purchase that much more special, since it really has to be something lovely to draw the cash from my pocket.

I'm sure I'll take pictures of it eventually. I'm just kind of....well....I don't like taking pictures of yarn sitting on my carpet. There...I've admitted it. I think its silly and it goes against everything being married to a photographer has taught me.

Other random tidbits about the festival:
- Animals are cute. Their 'tocks are much cuter!
- I look forward to the day when I can bring my little babies to a similar festival. Because seriously....grown women running around petting animals is cute...in a weird way....but it really seems to be more appropriate for adorable children to be doing it!
- Hand made soda tastes even better when given to me by girls made to wear ridiculous outfits showing much skin. But someone please explain this to me....if most of the festival is made up of women...who are they actually trying to attract with this marketing ploy?
- It always blows my mind how rude suburban ladies get when put in a large crowd situation. I saw a friend of mine not only get shoved, but had her arm hit out of a persons way. Seriously...wtf? If it had been me I would have been barred from ever going back.
- Even when its overcast I really should use sunblock. One day this little nugget of common sense will stick in my brain.
- Heat + dirt + early morning + constant walking = exhaustion
- Non tacky colors really do exist.....they're just harder to find
- I can find PA people everywhere.....
- People I don't know can be very nice and friendly
- Lots of people seem to like skull themed knitting tattoos.....and I do try to explain this to non knitters who always ask "cute skull...what are those sticks underneath?"
- Although I'm kind of sad that lace knitting has become such a fad, I am very happy I can find more laceweight yarns. It used to be something exotic no one ever bothered with...now everyone carries it!

I'll get into more detaisl about yarn and projects soon. I'm still kind of sleepy from this whole weekend. Plus, I have cashmere to fondle.

Sometimes I miss being medicated...

...I honestly do.

There's days that being mentally ill is just an overwhelming thing. I can't think or concentrate or muster enough energy to communicate or knit. The feeling of awkwardness and sadness is really all that I can focus on. And its just a bummer.

So my communications with the outside world have been few and far between. My numerous blogs scattered around the interweb have been collecting dust. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe so I feel like some little bit of junk can finally escape my brain.

Sheep and Wool is this weekend and I'm kind of underwhelmed by the whole idea. I'm not sick of it per say, but I do know the lay of the land and in the past two years nothing has been very new or exciting. I think I'm just not into yarn shopping as of late. When I have to worry about every penny going into bills and groceries my priorities change. I get more excited about getting a great fragrance or bar of soap then a skein of yarn I won't even touch for at least a year, and that's being optimistic! And the knitting population that place attracts makes me feel weird. I don't like suburban women...didn't like them when I lived there, don't like them now...so being surrounded by herds of them gives me the willies. It has every single year I've gone. Maybe I'm just happy living in the little liberal bubble the city gives me.

Hopefully I'll cheer up or get slightly excited by Friday. Hell...you never know...I may find a bag of money on the way home from work.