Friday, May 11, 2007

Mother's Day

First off, happy Mother's day to all women who already have children, who are with child, or who would like children someday!

Its a bittersweet holiday for me. I'm constantly bombarded by images of mother's and flowers and smiling families. Its almost overwhelming at times. I know my mom knew i loved her, and I had 29 Mother's Day to tell her this. It just doesn't seem like it was anywhere near enough.

So this Mother's Day, in honor of my mom and her undying love of everything and anything blue, everything I work on this weekend will be blue. Her eyes were the most beautiful blue, like a perfectly clear sky. And that's the color I want to see this weekend.

Blue has become my comfort color....its like a cool blanket. Every time I see it I think of her. And it seems to be the color I've been reaching for most when I'm looking for yarn. I can't get enough of it. I don't think a bad shade of blue exists! And I'm more then a little thankful that it goes with my coloring so well.

My surrogate mother-in-law....who I like to call Mom Neuman...will be visited. AA's family has definitely taken me in as one of their own, and I do feel like their daughter. I want to make his mom a beautifully intricate shawl, so I didn't want to do a quickie to be done in time for the holiday. So once I find the perfect color for her, and I'm sure i will know it when I see it, I will make her something grand.

And then there's me and the dreams I've been having about children. Well, pregnancy to be exact. I've had a few where i was very pregnant, and we lived in a big old house on a hill, and I seem to be happy all the time. I'm hoping this is a premonition of a joyful pregnancy to come.....eventually....not tomorrow. We can barely feed ourselves, let alone little ones. But children will definitely be in my future. I just don't understand an existence without them. What is the point of life then?

Here's hoping that my Mother's Day is not sad, but optimistic towards my future, and satisfying knowing that my mom, no matter where she is, knows that I love her and am happy that I'm her daughter.


maris said...

Jennifer, that is so touching. Yeah, you totally made me get misty eyed at work while I was taking a quick break!

Your mom definitely knows how much you love and miss her. And I bet she is VERY happy to know that you have someone like Mom Neuman to provide some type of mother figure.

One day you will make a fabulous mom yourself. Keep knitting with that blue, and the shawl sounds gorgeous.

I was thinking of you yesterday and almost called, except I was in bed with the flu. So that's my great excuse! xoxo.

Lisa said...

Darn Maris for getting here first! I too was thinking about you yesterday, and that I hope someday (in the not terribly distant future) that you had little ones around you to make this a happy day again.

Love you, Kitten!